The Myth of the Solo Journey

Early in my career, I believed success was largely a solo journey.

Work hard. Develop your talent. Stay focused. Keep moving.

I thought independence was strength.

Over time, I discovered something very different: the people around me — friends, mentors, colleagues and family — were not background characters in the story. They were part of the foundation beneath it.

Much of what I have learned, accomplished and become has grown in relationship with other people.

Much of what we become grows in relationship with other people.

Early Lessons in Isolation

When I was younger, I was determined to prove myself.

I worked hard, stayed focused and often kept my circle smaller than it needed to be. I believed that if I was capable enough and disciplined enough, I ought to be able to figure things out on my own.

There was some value in that independence.

But there was also a cost.

Success can feel surprisingly hollow when there is no one with whom to share it. Problems become heavier when you believe asking for help is a sign of weakness. And learning becomes slower when you depend only on your own experience.

I remember struggling with a difficult piece of work when a colleague offered to help. My first instinct was hesitation. I did not want to appear incapable.

Accepting that help solved more than the immediate problem.

It reminded me that collaboration is not weakness. It is one of the ways people grow.

Connection is not a distraction from the work. It is often what makes the work possible.

The People Who Changed My Path

As my career developed, I began to recognize how many people had helped shape it.

Mentors offered advice that saved me from mistakes.

Colleagues challenged assumptions I had become too comfortable with.

Friends provided perspective when work became too important.

And sometimes a brief conversation opened a door I did not even know existed.

One mentor encouraged me to stop thinking about professional relationships primarily as networking and start thinking about them simply as relationships.

That distinction stayed with me.

Collecting contacts may expand a network.

Knowing people — their stories, values, hopes and concerns — builds something much more durable.

Collecting contacts may expand a network. Knowing people builds something more durable.

Leadership Is Relational

Leadership can create a peculiar illusion.

The higher someone moves in an organization, the easier it can become to believe that leadership means having the answers.

People look to you.

Decisions come to you.

Your judgment carries more weight.

But none of that makes you self-sufficient.

If anything, leadership increases the need for relationships with people who will tell you the truth, challenge your thinking, offer another perspective and remind you who you are when the position begins to become too important.

The strongest leaders I have known were rarely the people who needed everyone to believe they had all the answers.

They were people who remained curious about what others knew.

No matter how capable we are, none of us grows entirely alone.

Community Beyond the Workplace

The lesson became even clearer outside of work.

Friends and family have been sources of support, perspective, laughter, challenge and grace.

There have been difficult seasons when confidence was not something I could manufacture by myself.

Other people helped carry it for a while.

That may be one of the great gifts of community.

Sometimes we provide strength.

Sometimes we borrow it.

And over a lifetime, those roles change many times.

Tending Relationships

Relationships do not remain strong simply because we value them.

They require attention.

A few practices have become increasingly important to me:

• Be present and listen. People can tell when we are waiting for our turn to speak.

• Be genuinely curious. Ask about the person, not merely the role.

• Help without keeping score. Generosity changes relationships.

• Stay in touch. Important relationships can quietly disappear through neglect.

• Be willing to be vulnerable. Trust deepens when we stop pretending we have everything figured out.

None of these practices is complicated.

That does not make them easy.

A Question Worth Asking

Take a moment to think about the people who helped you become who you are.

Who believed in you?

Who challenged you?

Who told you the truth?

Who opened a door?

Who offered a hand?

Who simply stayed nearby when the path became difficult?

And then perhaps ask another question:

Whose journey are you helping now?

Community is not something we simply receive.

It is something we help create.

Community is not something we consume. It is something we help create.

I once believed success was largely a solo journey.

I no longer do.

The strongest leaders I know are deeply rooted in relationship.

And, like everything else in the Orchard, those relationships grow only when we tend them.